Hell

That about sums up what tonight has been and continues to be. I doubt many people take the time or care to read my blog, and I don't really care. I'm doing it more for Jacob and Robby to read when they are older.

They were both kind of cranky when I picked them up from day care. Robby was especially cranky during dinner and after.

I put them both to bed around 7:30 and they were quiet until about 8:25. First Jacob started crying and then Robby joined in. I always let them cry for a short while hoping they will go back to bed. Neither gave in, so I went in their room and tried to comfort them. They would only stop crying if they were being held, so I'd pick one up, get him quiet, put him down, pick up the other, get him quiet and put him down to pick up the other crying one. This went on for I don't know how long. I finally picked up both of them and carried them together in the LR and sat in the rocking chair. Neither were happy, so we went back to the pick one up routine for a good 30 minutes. Finally Jacob gave up and fell asleep when it was his turn for the floor. I finally got him into bed and had to hold Robby to keep him quiet for another 30 minutes. I finally put him down and made myself some dinner and he entertained himself. Once I was back in the room, he was cranky again, so he was held, rocked, read to, bottles etc. He finally quieted down and as I carried him to their room, Jacob started crying again. I ended up w/ both in my room with neither of them happy..especially Robby. Jacob finally went to sleep, but Robby was poking him, pulling his hair, poking me etc. As I write this, Robby is crying hysterically in his room and Jacob is laying in my bed. I'm going to have to switch babies again, because Robby is not giving up.

I think I'm extra crabby tonight myself because I'm so sick of listening to everyone else's problems all the time. It kills me when people complain about the most trivial things. I try not to complain. I wanted my boys and I still want them. I wouldn't give them up for anything in this world and would do anything for them. I don't want to hear someone stressed out because they can't find the perfect new nice dress. I'm still wearing the clothes I had before I was pregnant and while I was pregnant....those are my "nice" clothes. Don't tell me about the miserable night out you had....I don't have nights out. Don't complain to me about money. I went from making over $35 and hour and living comfortably to being below the poverty level and selling the things I own to pay utilities and buy necessities. I can't wait to get the hell out of WA and go back to a nice life and give my boys a nice life and not this miserable existence I'm giving them. Wow...Robby quit crying. I better make sure he is still breathing. Well, that was a mistake....he's breathing fine and crying again since I went in his room.

Well, Robby & Jacob.... I owe you one big night of hell..... but I can't wait to wake up and see your smiling faces and give you love, hugs and kisses. I still love you and always will.