Missing Baylea more than every after one year

It's been one year since we lost Baylea and I miss her more than ever. Last week I could have sworn I saw her in the backyard. I still feel her sleeping at the end of my bed and don't go a day w/out wishing she was here. Even one more year of life would have made a big difference for Robby & Jacob.

Play Time!

You had so much fun Sunday night after some short naps. You were running up and down the hallway, into the living room, laying on the floor. It was funny. I took a lot of videos. You learned how to throw the ball to each other finally! Click on the picture to view.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/32861285@N07/sets/72157617583352769/show/

March For Babies 2009

It was another success March for Babies. The sun came out and the rain stayed away! Our team didn't turn out like I had hoped, but Grandma and Grandpa walked with us. Due to Robby being so sick lately, he almost didn't make it, but he did and had a great time.

It was great seeing the McCann Family, although we didn't get to visit much. We'll have to make a special play date to get together once all the kids get rid of their runny noses.

Click on the picture for a slideshow of the pictures.

The McCann family had an awesome team and raised over $4,000! They were the 5th highest team....that was my goal to have a big team, but I didn't have the response. Here is the blog post about them:

http://mccannx6.blogspot.com/2009/05/here-is-look-at-our-march-for-babies.html

She has some great slide shows w/ music....Here is one that will make you cry...

http://mccannx6.blogspot.com/2009_04_01_archive.html

As we were walking into the house, Aunt JoAnn called and asked if she, Uncle Dean, Great Grandma and cousin Mary could stop by. That was a nice surprise, so they came over before going to the Berquists for a birthday bash.

Didn't take many pictures, but click on them to see the slide show. Robby loved riding on Grandma's walker! They both enjoyed throwing balls to her too.

Happy Birthday Baylea!

Today would have been Baylea's 14th birthday. I've been dreading writing this blog because it is painful.

In May of 1995, shortly after I bought my new house in Las Vegas, I was on the search for two kittens. I guess I have a thing for twins.

I actually had a very hard time finding baby kittens, but came across an ad in the newspaper. I drove to the Sweetland's house on the other side of town and they brought out three kittens. My plan was to have a boy and a girl (just like when I had kids- that was my plan), but the boy kitty just didn't warm my heart like the two girl kittens did.

I instantly knew I wanted the two who became Baylea and Bo. I paid the $30 adoption fee and put my new bundles in the back of my Rodeo under a laundry basket! They both cried the whole drive home.

Once we were home they explored and made themselves at home very quickly.

Following a very windy night on March 25, 1997, both girls took off early in the morning to play. Bo never returned. I looked for days, plastered over 300 fliers on doors, telephone polls, went to two different shelters.

Besides one call from two kids doing a prank, I received one other call saying they saw a dead cat at an intersection close to my house. I raced down there and found the cat. Bo had been missing for about 2 weeks at this point and while the cat kind of looked like her, she also didn't because her fur was very fluffy and I didn't see the skin rash that Bo had. I found out later that cat's get fluffy after they die, so this could have been my little Bo and I will never know. I covered the cat w/ a towel and called animal control. I think I only told one person about finding this cat and not knowing for sure if she was my cat because I felt guilty not recognizing my own cat.

Baylea missed her sister, but continued on with her life and was never allowed to leave the back yard....with the exception of when she escaped, which happened a few times, but she always made it back or I drug her back!

Being the Princess she was, she had plastic surgery at a very young age when a Tom Cat tried to make babies with her. As much as I wanted kittens from her, it wasn't worth her getting beat up. I had her fixed and they did plastic surgery to her torn ear. Baylea had many medical problems during her life due to her weight and bowel issues. I tried everything from the time she started getting over weight with many different vets, but she was just born to be big. A couple of months after the boys were brought home from the hospital, Baylea saw a specialist about her Mega Colon. He said she wasn't to the point where she'd need the risky and expensive surgery and I was so thankful for that. I really wanted her to be around so the boys would remember her. She also suffered from arthritis her last year or so of life and was unable to jump up on my bed.

I was worried about Baylea being jealous of the boys, but she was incredible with them. She'd watch them, put up with their crying and not aggressive one bit. When they'd lay on blankets on the floor, she'd go lie close to them as if she was protecting them. She'd let them pet her...a little. My best story is one day when I was unloading my Jeep of groceries and going in and out through the garage, I could hear one or both of them crying. I knew nothing was wrong because I had just looked at them while going in and out of the house. Well, Baylea walked out into the garage and just started meowing at me like crazy. She got me to follow her back into the house and she went into the living room, where they were both lying fussing/crying. It was very sweet.

As the boys got a little older, Baylea started to become more curious, yet cautious. It was very fun to watch.

Knowing Baylea's health was failing from chronic pain from the arthritis and her bowel problems were basically uncontrollable, even though she had very expensive prescriptions that I faithfully gave her, I knew it was time to stop being selfish and let her go.

Day after day, I would decide if this was going to be the day. I'd say yes and then I'd find a reason why it couldn't be done. I was always praying she'd die in her sleep so I wouldn't have to make this painful decision on my own.

On September 8th, I came home from work and just told her that today was the day. I brought her on the back patio and petted her, brushed her and talked to her for quite a while. She layed there, purred and gave me her kitty kisses. I had spoken w/ the vets office weeks prior and told them I would just be calling and coming right in. There was no way I could make an appointment. They were very understanding. I made that dreaded call and brought Baylea in.

They were all so kind to me. The doctor examined Baylea and I got a final weight for my big girl - 21 pounds of love. I was explained how the procedure would go and that it would take about 10 minutes total.

They gave Baylea a shot to sedate her and it didn't phase her. They told me it would take a couple of minutes max and she would fall asleep. WRONG! I held her close, singing and humming "You are my Sunshine" (a song she always purred to) and after about 20 minutes, they gave her a second shot saying this would make her go to sleep in a couple of minutes. Baylea just cuddled with me, purring, licking my tears and acting as if nothing was going on as I continued to sing and hum. My heart was broken. She didn't want to go anywhere! To this day, I wish I would have just carried her out and brought her home because I don't think she wanted to die yet. 15-20 minutes later, they had to give her a 3rd shot and she finally surrendered. After she was asleep and I was able to let go, they gave her the shot that stopped her heart and the rest of her organs. I can't tell you how upsetting all of this was to me.....this is the first time I have been able to write about it and I can't stop the tears from coming out now....that day was even worse.

I spent a little more time with Baylea saying my final farwell as it was getting close to 6pm and I had to pick Robby & Jacob up from day care.

I swiftly ran into the day care, with my sunglasses on and not speaking a word. After getting the boys home, they were acted horrible! I was in a total panic attack, so I called my sister, who left a meeting she was in and rushed over, followed by my mom,who took care of the boys throughout the rest of the night and the next morning. I didn't realize I would be as unfunctionally as I was.

That was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I can't imagine having to make that choice for a human and my heart really goes out to those that are put in that situation.

There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of Baylea. Her picture is everywhere, the vet made a paw print of her and it was made into a heart. As much as I don't like cremation, I did have that done to her so her remains will always be with me.

Robby & Jacob recognize her in all the pictures and always kiss the picture of her that sits on my bedside. It is so touching. I loved her and will always love her so much. She was special in so many ways and I wish she was here with us today.

Happy Birthday my Sweet Baylea Kitty, "You are my sunshine" I love and miss you!

I have hundreds of pictures of her, but a lot of them aren't on my hard drive. If you click here , it will take you to a slide show of just a few of the pictures I have of Baylea.

First Time for the Flu

Dear Jacob & Robby,

On Tuesday night, you both got up at 11:15 and were up until 2am...I wasn't quite sure why and not sure if it was because you were starting to get sick. All I know is I was so tired in the morning when we had to get up!

Robby, on Wednesday night, I knew you weren't feeling good. You did eat your dinner, although Jacob, you threw the majority of yours on the floor! ....but I could just tell you weren't yourself....and you had a fever. I took your temperature at 11pm and it was over 101.5 degrees, so I called the hospital nurse line to see when I should really worry. They were really busy and said they'd have a nurse call me. They finally called me back at 12:30 and told me if it went over 104 then to bring you in. In the meantime, I gave you a nebulizer treatment for your cough. I kept you in my room that night and checked on you every hour to make sure you didn't get too hot. At 5am on Thursday morning, your temp was up to 103.2 and you hadn't been sleeping well. I decided to bring you to the ER because I wasn't going to wait for you to get to 104.

I had to wake up Jacob as we all piled into the car and headed for the hospital. Luckily, there weren't many sick kids there that morning, so we got in quickly. They gave you more medicine and your temp finally broke. They sprayed saline in your nose and suctioned out a sample....you weren't happy about that at all and I felt so helpless as they held you down to take the sample.

The results came back that you had Influenza "A"....a flu virus that has no treatment...just rest, fluids and Tylenol. Here is a picture of you at the hospital from my camera phone. You were not happy! (One of you changed the settings on my phone and the pic is Black and white)

Grandma came over Thursday morning because I needed to go to work. I sure was tired..we were at the hospital until 9am. You both slept a good part of the day and Robby, you were extremely miserable and had the chills. When I got home from work, you looked like...well, I don't even want to say.

You both did play a little that night, but it wore you out and you didn't feel good. I was up a lot with you later that night, but Grandma spent the night so in the morning, she took over taking care of you and I got a few hours of sleep.

Jacob, you felt OK tonight (Friday), but Robby, you are still pretty miserable.




Here are the other photo's from your first flu. (Click on the pictures for a slide show)...I used my phone camera so they aren't very good!
















I should probably go to bed, but I want to update my blogs!

Jacob's Surgery & More

I noticed I haven't posted in a while. It isn't that there isn't much to tell you guys, but I've just been so busy! I started a new blog through my work, that will have a bunch of articles and pictures about you, but it is also to help my business and children's charities.

The blog is: http://www.childrenscharitiesundressed.com/ for those who want to see it.

Here is what I put on that blog today.... (there is a link to a slide show with lots of pictures)

Seattle Children’s Hospital
Nestled in the Laurelhurst neighborhood, Seattle Children’s has been serving the children of Washington, Montana, Idaho and Alaska since 1907. While the hospital has had six name changes over its 100+ years, the care is the same. Children's website has a great presentation of the Top 25 Events in Children’s first 100 years.
I have a personal love for Seattle Children’s Hospital. Prior to working there for five years in the early 90’s, I was a volunteer there because I loved children. Working at Children’s was a rewarding job, yet a very sad one when we’d lose patients we grew to love. Now, as a mother, I see Children’s from a different light, but still have the confidence and love for the hospital I always did.
My son Jacob, who suffers from an airway obstruction, had his adenoids removed yesterday, along with having new ear tubes placed, by Dr. Thomas, an Otolaryngologist at Children's since 1978. These are really quite simple procedures if you compare it to the complex ones they do at Children’s, but as a mother, I was still terrified that something would go wrong, especially due to his breathing problems.
Even at 6:45 in the morning, all the staff at Children’s were upbeat and cheery, which is more than I can say for myself at that time of the day!
We were brought back to our surgery waiting room, where we were attended to by a surgery technician, a RN, Dr Thomas and the anesthesiologist. A couple more nurses stopped in and were flirting with Robby & Jacob as they played by the full glass door outside of the nurses’ station.
We are fortunate enough to have good insurance coverage, but there are many families that don’t. Seattle Children’s Hospital has year round calendar of events to help out those families that don’t have insurance so they can receive medical care. I will touch on the many events that go on throughout the year later in this blog as I want to give each one the attention it deserves. Along with raising money to help families, much money is needed for medical research, which will also be highlighted in a different post, to help eliminate childhood illnesses and diseases.
From all my experiences of a parent at Children’s and as an employee, I see nothing but compassion and people that truly care about the well being of the children and their families. Jacob’s surgery went very well and we were able to leave the hospital around 11:30. If you want to see a slideshow of all the pictures I took, please do and enjoy!

Expect to see many more posts about this incredible Hospital and Medical Center!

Thank you Seattle Children’s!!!

What I didn't write was they called me the day before and told me we had to be at the hospital at 6:45. I asked the guy if he meant AM??? We don't get up that early! Neither of you, especially you Robby, wanted to go to bed early on Wednesday, but I still got up a little before 6, got dressed, warmed the Jeep up and scraped the ice and then I kidnapped both of you while you slept. Threw on your coats and put you in the car. You both actually were awake the entire drive down and were very well behaved. Jacob, you weren't allowed to have anything to eat or drink after 4am, but luckily you didn't notice.

You were both very busy flirting with all the nurses that were outside our room. Jacob, you were a true trooper before, during and after the surgery. The only bad thing was they put your pulse ox on your RIGHT THUMB!!! You were very upset about that, but the second I saw you, I told them it had to be moved and they moved it so you could stick your little thumb in your mouth....that calmed you down, like it usually does.

The doctors were very happy how well you did during and after the surgery. You were breathing better than they expected and the possibility of you spending the night at the hospital went right out the window! Yeah!

Robby was so happy to see you come back and give you lots of hugs and kisses before he snuggled up in the chair with you to watch TV. We left around 11:30, brought Robby to day care and you and I went home. I was so excited to give you a milkshake since you never have had one and that was one thing they said I should give you. Do you know what you did with it? You threw it on the floor! I couldn't believe it. You were happy eating some yogurt and vanilla wafers and then you took a nice long nap. I took Robby's mattress out of his crib and slept on the floor next to you to make sure you didn't have any problems breathing. Your snored really loud, but didn't have any problems!

We picked Robby up from day care around 5 and then had a normal night of playing, laughing, reading and cuddling. I'm so happy everything went well. You'll have another sleep study in 2-3 months to see if removing your adenoids cured your breathing problems. If not, they'll take your tonsils out, which I heard isn't fun at all.

Today, Grandma and Grandpa came over to take care of you because I didn't want you near any germs at day care. I'm sure you are having a fun time while I work!

Jacob's Sleep Study

Jacob, you had your second sleep study last night. I was dreading it because on your first one, you were not cooperative at all, screamed, cried, tried pulling off the wires, wouldn't go to sleep...it was a horrible night.

Last night, you were an angel. Your tech, Shawn, was awesome and I think that made a big difference. He played with you and talked to you a lot and you just sat there and let him hook you up. You squirmed a couple of times, but I don't blame you.

The techs can't give me any official medical reports, but I do know that they didn't hook you up to your oxygen after 1/2 the test was complete. He told me the first half of the night would be testing your carbon dioxide levels and if needed, they'd hook up your oxygen the second half of the night. I'm praying that means you don't need oxygen any more and no surgery. I'll have to wait until I hear from Amber about the final results.

You had a great time in the morning. You had breakfast in bed. They woke us up around 6am and neither of us liked that. After you were unhooked, you went running down the long hall...everyone thought you were so cute...which you are! They let you go into the tech's room and pick out a toy and you found a stuffed bunny and took off down the hall again

It was 20 degrees as we drove home. You slept a little bit, but spent a lot of time talking and singing to me. You asked for Robby several times last night and this morning. I think it is so sweet you want to be with your brother.

Let's say prayers and keep our fingers crossed that maybe you are OK now!

Here are several pictures I took...

http://www.flickr.com/photos/32861285@N07/?saved=1

You love pancakes and blackberry syrup!

It's a little blurry because I was using my camera phone, but you, Robby, didn't have enough syrup to rub on your face as you'll see in the next picture, but you thought it was pretty funny putting the pancakes on your head! You made quite a mess, but it's bath time soon (which you love), so it was OK.


Jacob! Look at you! You thoroughly enjoyed your pancakes and black berry syrup. You were covered in the left over syrup! You started to rub your eyes and get it in them, but I got you cleaned up and now you are busy reading a book.



You were having a lot of fun Jacob!

Dear Robby & Jacob...

Since I'm writing this blog for them to read in the future, I'm going to start writing it to them.

Dear Robby & Jacob,

You made me cry tonight watching you play together. You were standing facing each other and trying to jump up and you were both laughing hysterically. It was so precious. I wanted to get my video camera out, but I figured you'd stop by the time I got it set up, so I just stored the image in my head and heart. You two are such joys! You have both been trying to jump a lot...especially you Jacob. You think it is so funny. You both think it is funny to swing open the bathroom door when I am in there, say "Hi" and laugh. I really need to tape that because it happens all the time. Jacob, that is when you do most of your jumping.

Most nights we play pig pile on Mommy. I lay on the floor and you both jump and crawl all over my back. You are both getting so big, I don't know how much longer I can do it. You both just laugh and laugh and laugh and I tickle both of you and you tickle me back.

Jacob, you are really getting good at putting two words together. You can identify different balls- baseball, basketball, big ball & football. You call them by name and you both throw the balls very hard and far. I'll make sure you both get to play a lot of sports and you can decide which ones you like best and which ones you don't want to play. I'm hoping Baseball, but if it is something else, that is OK too.

I can't wait to spend time w/ you this weekend. I worked way too many hours this week and it really took up our special time.

Love,

Mommy

New Words

I don't know if I mentioned that Jacob is saying Mommy now. He will say it over and over again....so sweet to hear! He is getting really good at saying Robby and is starting to put two words together. I might have put this in last night's post....I'm tired, but wanted to make sure it is in here. Thanks Jacob!

I was late picking them up today. I was ready to leave and my boss pulls me in the office to go over stuff that could have waited. I hope he doesn't read this, but I'm going to just going to say I HAVE to leave at 4 and go. Spending time w/ my boys is the most important thing. We still had a nice night, but it was short.

I've really missed doing our nightly rituals..

I’ve been bad about posting because I’ve been working so much. The last two nights I not only missed the evening with my boys, but they were asleep before I got home from work. When they were in the hospital, I cried every night because I wanted to put them in their cribs every night, the last couple nights I’ve felt the same way. I was so happy when I was able to pick them up at 5 and have dinner at a decent time and lots of play, reading, puzzles and cuddle time before it was time to go to bed.
I’ve made a promise to myself to start working the hours I’m scheduled and to not take work home with me. Work can wait until the next day, but I’m tired of missing watching my boys grow up and the fun things they are doing.
They are both starting to say quite a few words and doing really cute things. Grandma and Grandpa both were here Sunday for a while before we went to the belated family Christmas and then Grandma spent the night since there was no day care on Monday and I had to work. On Tuesday, our biggest client had a Grand Opening that turned out very well and I was there until 8:45. I did lots of great networking and can’t wait to start contacting many of these people. I found a great way to start a conversation w/ strangers. Our company is very involved w/ business blogging, so I took a picture of the people and then told them I wanted to put them on our blog (work blog) and asked them for their cards and chatted a bit with them. Now I have their contact info and will contact them about the blog post I’m going to do about them and/or their company.
Jacob went to the sleep clinic yesterday. Grandma brought him and I attended via the phone. He is going to have another sleep study this Sunday to see if he is any better and hopefully not worse. After that, he will see the ENT MD. (Ear, Nose, Throat Doctor) to see what he says about surgery and when. His left ear tube fell out, but it is still in his ear, just not in the right place. That means more ear infections! He had a couple of them in December, but it was his right ear that was just gushing out w/ stinky fluid.
Well, I have a lot of catching up to do on here, but I’ll settle for this for the night and put a couple recent pictures R&J.

20 Month Pictures

Couldn't get a picture of Robby w/out his finger

Jacob holding Birthday Bear

Robby & Jacob

I need to start using a regular camera with a flash instead of my video camera as a camera....but here is their 20th Month picture. Robby is big into picking his nose! They are both learning how to blow the buggers out, but Robby likes to pick it. I let them, even though some people might not agree with my choice, but if they don't get them out, then I have to dig them out...especially when Jacob needs to put his oxygen on....He can't have nostrils full of snot and the prongs up there and expect to get any oxygen. These outfits were a gift from me for Christmas and are sooooo soft. They sometimes like to wear hoods, so they were running around with their hoods on and so I took a picture w/the hoods.